I Never Leave Your Hands

Love, love this song. It really speaks to my soul.



Your Hands- By JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers

I have trouble I wish wasn’t there

And I have asked a thousand ways

That you would take my pain away

You would take my pain away


I am trying to understand

How to walk this weary land

Make straight the paths that crooked lie

Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

Oh Lord, before these feet of mine


When my world is shaking, heaven stands

When my heart is breaking

I never leave your hands


When you walked upon the earth

You healed the broken, lost and hurt

I know you hate to see me cry

One day you will set all things right

Yeah, one day you will set all things right



When my world is shaking, heaven stands

When my heart is breaking

I never leave your hands


Your hands that shaped the world

Are holding me

They hold me still....

I still dare to HOPE when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will HOPE in him!"
-Lamentations 3:21-24

Top 10 Reason Why I Love Jones County

The new Jones County Magazine was recently published and there is a great article in there on Jay's HOPE. The article was written by my sweet neighbor, Alika Rosser. As I was reading through the magazine, it reminded me of why I love living here. Jason and I have lived in JC twice and the first time was right after we married.  We bought a piece of land and built our first home--we also had a baby, Jason changed careers and I became a stay-at-home mom all in the same year.  Yes, we were trying to prove everyone wrong by doing all the things you are not suppose to do your first year of marriage! We are hardheaded like that. Five years later, we thought the grass was greener on the other side and moved back to Macon. Two years later, we discovered that the grass is not greener and that a shopping center was moving next door. We quickly packed up the ole' truck and moved back to Jones County. We have now been here for a little over four years and have no plans of leavin' anytime soon! 

For fun, I have come up with a "Top 10" list of why I love living in Jones County:


#10-When giving directions to my house, a local business named Clampitt’s is a landmark. And if you get to LITE-N-TIE Road, you have gone too far.

#9-At Hillside Country Store, we can get our gas, bait, good pizza AND have a deer processed. What more could a girl want?

#8-Old Clinton Barbeque. The name says it all.

#7-We have the nicest and cleanest Dairy Queen this side of Georgia!

#6-Only in JC can you get away with wearing cut-off jean shorts, wife beaters, work boots and pool shoes to the gym. And to top it off, you can drink Mountain Dew while doing cardio.

#5-During a recent local election, guys named Gus and Rooster ran for office.

#4-Gus, who previously owned “Gus’s Bait and Tackle”, won and is now our new Mayor.

#3-JC schools recently made the news because a GIRL was suspended for having a crossbow in her pickup truck. Word is she went hunting before school.

#2- If a city police officer sees you committing a traffic violation, just smile and wave. He will think he knows you from either high school or church and will not pull you over.



And the #1 reason I love living in JC is.....



I can go out of the house looking like this:

And no one would ever notice......

(in the left corner is Kasey the Wonder Dog, just one of our 8 animals. Jason is behind me burning the Christmas tree in the yard that the kids just roasted marshmallows over...and I'm not really sure what to say about me except that this JC girl was not prepared for the COLD and this was my version of a snowsuit-without the snow!)

As you can see, we fit in nicely!

2010 Restart

I spent the first week of the New Year in business meetings recapping 2009 and planning for 2010. Meeting after meeting, I was seeing a growing theme.

2009 Recap- Banks collapse; housing market goes to pot; auto industry grinds to a halt; jobs lost; homes foreclosed; significant cuts in income; savings and retirement accounts gone; and a nation divided on politics, war and health care reform.

Overall Consensus- It has been a depressing year

2010 Predictions – Some say more of the same. Some say the worst is yet to come. Some say it can only get better.

Overall consensus- Proceed with caution

To be totally honest, all the “doom and gloom” had me off to a bad start.

Until God reminded me of one of my favorite Christmas songs:

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

I heard the bells on Christmas day


Their old familiar carols play,


And wild and sweet the words repeat


Of peace on earth, good will to men.


And thought how, as the day had come,


The belfries of all Christendom


Had rolled along the unbroken song


Of peace on earth, good will to men.


Till ringing, singing on its way


The world revolved from night to day,


A voice, a chime, a chant sublime


Of peace on earth, good will to men.


Then from each black, accursed mouth


The cannon thundered in the South,


And with the sound the carols drowned


Of peace on earth, good will to men.


It was as if an earthquake rent


The hearth-stones of a continent,


And made forlorn, the households born


Of peace on earth, good will to men.


And in despair I bowed my head


“There is no peace on earth,” I said,


“For hate is strong and mocks the song


Of peace on earth, good will to men.”


Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:


“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;


The wrong shall fail, the right prevail


With peace on earth, good will to men.”


It is an “oldie but goodie” that was re-recorded by Casting Crowns a couple of years ago. In 1863, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote the words to this song when our country was greatly divided by the Civil War. Henry’s words speak of the sounds of war, the hatred among men and the despair and fear that was consuming his world.

Overall consensus- It had been a depressing year

After his recap, Henry ends the song with certainty and anticipation:

“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep; The wrong shall fail, the right prevail.

Overall Consensus- There is HOPE

The first part of this powerful stanza reminds us that even when everything is crumbling around us, God is not dead, He does not sleep and He is still on the throne. Hebrew 13:8 tells us, “He is the same yesterday, today and forever.” The second part gives us comfort that despite how things appear, the evil shall fail and God’s children will prevail. Psalm 125:1-2 says, “Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore.”

Today is the second week of the New Year and I am declaring a restart! While it is true that we do not know what 2010 has up its sleeve, God is calling all of us to have HOPE. A HOPE that reassures us that our unchanging, all-powerful God is active in our world and lives, a HOPE that will prevail over evil, a HOPE that will not be shaken and a HOPE that will endure forever.

As I restart my year, I thank God for changing my attitude through the words of this 1863 classic song. I  also want to challenge us to cling to the verse that appears at the top of this blog:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” -Romans 15:13

Overflowing with HOPE,
Cindy

Our Sweet Baby Jay

was born 9 years ago today. Weighing in at 8 lbs 14oz, William Jason Gaskins entered this world fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). He was knit together in my womb and every day of his life was recorded in God’s book (Psalm 139:13-16). On January 5th, 2001 at 5:00AM, our Jay was born to us with a sovereign purpose. A purpose of peace and not disaster, a purpose of a future filled with HOPE (Jeremiah 29:11).

When Jay was diagnosed with cancer at the age of two, I was told that the seeds of the tumor were formed in my womb and continued to slowly grow after he was born. Medically speaking, something went awry in his DNA that caused the cancerous cells and there was a defect. Awry is defined as, "away from the correct or expected course.” Defect is defined as, “a lack of something necessary for perfection; an imperfection.” Both of these definitions imply a mistake, and for years I was guilt-ridden that maybe I had something to do with why Jay had cancer. After all, the “bad” seeds had grown inside of me.

In Exodus 4:11, God asked Moses, “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who give him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? In John 9:1-3, Jesus and the disciples were walking along and saw a man who had been blind from birth. The Disciples asked, “Rabbi, why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” Jesus answered, “It was not because of his sins or his parent’s sins. This happened so that the power of God could be seen in him.” God didn’t tell Moses that He only permitted deafness or blindness. He said that He created people with those conditions. In the New Testament, Jesus declares that there was a divine, sovereign purpose in the man’s blindness.

Seven months into treatment, Jay and I were able to return home from Memphis. Multiple surgeries, radiation and chemotherapy had taken a toll on his little body. He was thin, pale, bald, scarred and he had a tracheotomy and a feeding tube. His appearance was somewhat shocking to others, especially strangers who did not know our story. One day, the kids and I went to lunch at a local sandwich shop. Jay was tired and I was holding him while ordering our food. Like many times before, I was trying my best to ignore the stares, but I noticed a young woman who couldn’t keep her eyes off of Jay. I could tell that Jay had noticed because he was burying his head into my chest. Being the overprotective Mama, I turned to this woman and said, “Can I help you?”(((insert sarcasm))) People had said some real boneheaded things over the past 7 months, but I was totally caught off guard with what came out of her mouth. She cocked her head, looked straight at Jay and said, “Was he born like that?” Not really knowing how to respond, I just said, “No” and moved on. Of course, I have thought of so many comebacks that would have been so good! But, I am ashamed to say that most of them would not have been very Christ like. Now, almost six years later and with a renewed Biblical perspective, I know exactly what I should have said, minus the sarcasm.

"Yes ma’am, he was born just like this. Unmistakably perfect, completely wonderful and purposefully made."


As the mother of a child who was born with what our medical community called a “defect”, I can now find great comfort in knowing that nothing happens randomly or because of bad genes or bad luck. God is all sovereign, full of grace and does not make mistakes. Romans 8:28-30 tells us that, "In all things God works for good with those who love him, those whom he has called according to his purpose. Those whom God had already chosen he also set apart to become like his Son, so that the Son would be the first among many brothers. And so those whom God set apart, he called; and those he called, he put right with himself, and he shared his glory with them."


Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you that we are able to celebrate the birth of our sweet Baby Jay today, who was fearfully and wonderfully made in your image. Thank you for your sovereign purpose for him and for each of us. Jay’s five years of life were precious and beyond all treasure, and I thank you for entrusting Jason and I to be his parents. What an honor it has been.

Dear Baby Jay,

Today we will celebrate your birthday by having lunch at Chick-fil-A and dinner at Ingleside Pizza…two of your favorite places! Kaitlyn wants to bake you a cake(yellow with chocolate icing) and Tanner wants to send you 9 green balloons…your favorite color! We will tell stories, look at old pictures and find comfort in knowing that we will all be together again one day. We love you, Baby Jay and miss you so much.

Love and kisses,
Mommy, Daddy, Sissy and Tan Man

God Calling

During the Great Depression in 1932, there were two retired teachers who were courageously fighting against sickness and poverty. They were facing a hopeless future and wondered if God still speaks. They decided to find out and developed a plan. They would read the Bible daily, pray and add a period of ‘listening’ to their devotion time. If they heard anything from God they would write it down. They sat for 29 days and received nothing. Then on the 30th day, God spoke...to both of them. Sitting across the table from each other, they began to write. They wrote the very same words for 365 days. At their deaths, their Will directed that a package be delivered, unopened to the editor of a local newspaper. He was instructed to read their writings and do whatever he willed. The teacher’s only request was to remain anonymous and to be called “Two Listeners”. After reading it, he passed it to the most honorable theologians of that day. They could find nothing that offended the Bible, the Christian faith or the theology of the church. He then published “God Calling”.

Fifty years later, my mother was given a copy of “God Calling” from our dear neighbor, Ms. Chris. Ms. Chris was a strong Christian woman who radiated joy in her Lord and Savior. She was such an encourager as she shared her faith with others. She had unshakeable faith, but only because her faith had been shaken. She had lost her husband; the father of her two children. At the age of 14, her son died of brain cancer. During her son’s extended illness, her teenage daughter turned to drugs and alcohol, ended up pregnant and eventually ran away taking the baby with her. I remember my parents referring to Ms. Chris as a “modern day Job” as they marveled at her faith and strength. Even as a 12 year old child I thought she was amazing and loved to be in her presence.

”God Calling” was Ms. Chris’ favorite devotional that someone had shared with her during her son’s illness. She loved it so much that she would keep several copies on hand to give as gifts. After receiving our copy, my mother quickly followed suit and began ordering multiply copies of the book to share with all of our friends and family.

I have my own personal copy that stayed with me through high school, college and into my marriage. Many times, it would get pushed aside and begin to collect dust, but circumstances and trials would drive me back to pick it up once again. September 16, 2003, the greatest trial of my life began when my Jay was diagnosed with brain cancer. Jay was only 2 yrs old, Kaitlyn was 4 and I was 8 months pregnant with Tanner. Wondering how we would survive, God quickly reminded me of my childhood hero, Ms. Chris. The “modern day Job” that had endured a similar trial and survived. Those memories gave me a HOPE that defies description and a peace that transcends understanding (Phil 4:7). After much prayer and research, Jay, I and baby on the way, packed up to move to Memphis, TN for treatment. Only having God’s promises to cling to, I grabbed my Bible and dusted off my 20 year old “God Calling”. It was like taking a piece of Ms. Chris and her unshakeable faith with me.

I still stand in amazement at how even when I was 12 years old, God was placing people in my life to prepare me for my own personal trials and suffering. How awesome is that?!? What’s even more amazing is how Ms. Chris had no idea that God was using her to minister to a child who would one day battle brain cancer with her own child. Nor did she know how I would cling to her favorite devotional after all these years.

God, you are simply amazing.

To kick off the New Year, I want to share with you the “God Calling” devotion from January 1st, 1930-something. I also encourage you to get your own copy. You won’t be disappointment. You may even have a crazy desire to order multiple copies to share with all your family and friends:)

January 1 - Between the Years

Our Lord and our God. We joy in Thee. Without Thy Help we could not face unafraid the year before us.

I stand between the years. The Light of My Presence is flung across the year to come - the radiance of the Sun of Righteousness. Backward, over the past year, is My Shadow thrown, hiding trouble and sorry and disappointment.

Dwell not on the past - only on the present. Only use the past as the trees use My Sunlight to absorb it, to make from it in after days the warming fire-rays. So store only the blessings from Me, the Light of the World. Encourage yourselves by the thought of these.

Bury every fear of the future, of poverty for those dear to you, of suffering, of loss. Bury all thought of unkindness and bitterness, all your dislikes, your resentments, your sense of failure, your disappointment in others and in yourselves, your gloom, your despondency, and let us leave them all, buried, and go forward to a new and risen life.
Remember that you must not see as the world sees. I hold the year in My Hands - in trust for you. But I shall guide you one day at a time.
Leave the rest with Me. You must not anticipate the gift by fears or thoughts of the days ahead.

And for each day I shall supply the wisdom and the strength.
I am the light of the world; he that followeth me shall not walk
in darkness, but shall have the light of life. John 8:12

Chronicle of HOPE

Chronicle: A record or narrative description of the past.

Hope: A confident expectation of the future.

For a while now, I have been wrestling with the idea to begin writing again. During Jay's battle with cancer, blogging was a way to keep friends and family updated on Jay's progress. Eventually, God began using it to share love, joy, laughter and most of all HOPE to all who followed our story. After Jay's death, I attempted to continue to write, but really struggled with sharing our grief. The joy, laughter and hope that once filled our hearts, was now being overshadowed by a darkness that was just to painful to put into words.

This new year brings the 7 year anniversary of when childhood cancer entered our lives and the 4 year anniversary of Jay's untimely death. As I reflect back not only on the past 7 years, but on my entire 37 years on this earth, God is showing me how He brought(and continues to bring) people and experiences into my life to mold and shape me for His purpose. As part of this purpose, I believe God is giving me the desire to write again.

My plan is to use this blog to record the past, share the present and HOPE for the future. However, since my daily thoughts tend to be very random and unorganized, my writings will not be in a particular order. My apologies to my anal friends.

That's just how I roll.

Disclaimer: My plan and God's plan are usually not one in the same(it took me years to realize this and I am still trying to accept it) and I am really not sure what will evolve.

That's just how He rolls.