Top 10 Praises of 2010

As I reflect on 2010, I am humbled at how God has used Jay's HOPE, our staff, our amazing volunteers and generous supporters to make a difference in the lives of the children and families we serve. BLOWN AWAY is probably a more accurate term! Even in the midst of the uncertainties that come with being in the trenches of childhood cancer, our unchanging Heavenly Father continues to be good to us. He continues to be loving and is always faithful.

"For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations" (Psalm 100:5)

Creating a "Top 10 for 2010" praise list was suggested by one of our dedicated fans and supporters. To be honest, I had a very difficult time narrowing it down to only ten! This is just a snippet of what God has accomplished!

Top 10 Praises of 2010

1) Jay's HOPE received a "Tribute to Partnership" Award from the Be the Match(National Marrow Donor Program) for our "life saving excellence and dedication." Jay's HOPE was recognized alongside Dan Moore of the APEX Museum in Atlanta, Northside Hospital in Atlanta, Winship Cancer Institute at Emory, Aflac Cancer Center at CHOA and The Medical College of Georgia in Augusta. To date, we have registered close to 5,000 new donors to the registry!

Stacy Toney(NMDP) and Cindy

2) In partnership with the WT Anderson Foundation, Jay's HOPE brought Beads of Courage to our local Children's Hospital in Macon!

Maiya and her Beads!

3) Even in a tough economy, our annual fundraising events were bigger than ever!

Celebrate HOPE Albany(Cindy and Jamari's family)

Celebrate HOPE Macon



Hats for HOPE

(Sweet Savannah from Valdosta!)

Trek or Treat 5K and Fall Festival

4) September is National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month and 2010 brought our most successful campaign! From city-wide and State proclamations across the areas we serve, to events like Royal Celebration of HOPE in Forsyth, Joshua's Walk at Mercer Law School, Fighting for Jay's HOPE (hosted by our beloved Ignite Martial Arts), and our Jay's HOPE night Giuseppi's in Macon and Gray--Childhood Cancer Education and Awareness was in full force!

State Proclamation

Joshua's Walk

(Cindy and Labrina Solomon)

Royal Celebration of HOPE
(Princess Lexi and Snow White)

Fighting for Jay's HOPE

(Love the Arnolds!)

Giuseppi's

5) BB and T Insurance employees' Lighthouse Project blessed us with a Play Therapy Room makeover at our Jay's HOPE office! We now have an amazing "Tree House" for our JH kiddos to enjoy, flat screen TV with a Wii and beautiful shelves and storage cabinets for art supplies and toys! Our office/resource center is in downtown Macon near the Children's Hospital and our local Ronald McDonald House--convenient for the numerous families who's children  receive treatment locally.



6) Speaking of our offices and resource center, Jay's HOPE has been blessed with the addition of two new staff members. Welcome Leigh McElroy and Tarver Perry!

Leigh and hubby Joe



Tarver and hubby Mitchell



7) Thanks to over 100 Wish List sponsors and numerous volunteers,  this year's Christmas of HOPE Party was a HUGE success! Gifts were purchased for close to 200 children(including patients and siblings) dinner, entertainment and Christmas cheer was provided to over 300 guest!

A few of our Elves!

Santa arrives!

8) After several years of planning, we are very proud of our 2011 Jay's HOPE Calendar! It is filled with pictures of some of the children Jay's HOPE serves across the state! A HUGE thank you to Whitney Misch of Oh Snap Photography and Imedia for helping us pull it off! Calendars are $15 each and can be purchased at our office.

Abby, Holly and Hannah



9) Our mission is to extend HOPE through emotional, spiritual, social, educational and financial support. From being a face of experience, to praying with our families, to planning a family event, to providing a laptop for school work, to helping with living and travel expenses--Jay's HOPE strives to relieve some of the burdens that the cancer battle causes. Sometimes, it is the small things that seem to matter most....like when one of our moms, who has her own health issues, needed comfortable supportive shoes for their many trips to the hospital. I can't help but to smile every time I see her wearing them!





10) For the families of Jay's HOPE, 2010 was filled with many victories and way too many heartaches. From hearing "clean scans" to "there is no cure", this childhood cancer journey is just one big roller coaster with no end in sight. Even for those who receive their earthly healing, they will be part of this "club" forever.

From the beginning, one of my visions for Jay's HOPE was to create a "safe" community for our families. I wanted us to be more than just paying a bill or passing out Christmas presents. I wanted to be a constant friend and create environments outside of the hospital where they could meet and fellowship with other families. There is nothing more therapeutic for a cancer parent then being in a room full of other battle-worn mommas and daddys who understand your fears, can speak the medical lingo and who will stand by your side through the good stuff and the down right ugly. Over this past year especially, I have witnessed this community grow, the relationships flourish and God using this roller coaster ride for our good and for His glory!



"If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us. As it is, there's not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we're not much to look at. We've been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we're not demoralized; we're not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we've been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn't left our side; we've been thrown down, but we haven't broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives! Our lives are at constant risk for Jesus' sake, which makes Jesus' life all the more evident in us. While we're going through the worst, you're getting in on the best!"

-2 Corinthians 4:7-10 (The Message)

Looking forward to seeing what God has in store for 2011!

In HOPE,

Cindy





The Day I found Real Hope~Devotion for Piedmont Church

“I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called..” -Ephesians 1:18

My sweet Baby Jay was five months into treatment for brain cancer and relapsed. The cancer cells in his brain were causing life-threatening seizures and we spent two weeks in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at St. Jude in Memphis, TN trying to get them under control. Every 2-5 minutes, day and night, for 14 straight days, the seizures would ravish his little body. Not only did I feel helpless, but I witnessed our medical team feeling helpless. The moment that is forever etched in my mind, was when the head Oncologist was shaking Jay and screaming, “Jay, breathe! Jay, breathe!” Our Doctor is the mack-daddy, world-renown specialist on Jay’s type of tumor. He is the go-to doctor we had heard about, read about and traveled close to 500 miles to see. Since diagnosis, he had been so calm, confident and always had the answers. Anytime I would freak out, he knew just what to say to calm me down. I had complete trust in him. Now, not only was I freaking, but our mack-daddy-world-renown-go-to Doctor was freaking! I remember standing there listening to everyone panicking, watching my child turn blue and thinking, “Now what? Now what do we do?” Suddenly, in the midst of all the chaos, I heard God speak. Not in a loud audible voice, it was more like a soothing whisper to my soul. He said, “You must trust me. Not the doctors, not the nurses or the medicine, but trust me.” And then my Heavenly Father gave me this verse to cling to: “Against all hope, in HOPE believe.” (Romans 4:18)

The book of Ephesians is a letter of encouragement written by Paul from prison to the Church of Ephesus. In our key verse, Paul tells the Ephesians that he is praying “their hearts will be flooded with light so they can understand the confident Hope….” Paul wanted them to know that ALL believers in Christ have a Living Hope that dwells within them. A Hope that is not a mere wish or a pie in the sky pipe-dream, but rather the very breath of life that assures God’s children to live confidently in His promises.

Looking back on that day in the St. Jude PICU room, I think of Paul. Paul had been a Christian for nearly 30 years. He had taken three missionary trips and established churches all around the Mediterranean Sea. Now, he was under arrest in Rome, his future looking pretty bleak and he is writing to other Christians about Hope. When Jay was diagnosed in 2006, my family and I were snatched out of our so called “normal” life and thrown into the Pediatric Cancer world. Being in that PICU room was my reality check that medically speaking, our future appeared to be bleak. It was in that moment that God stepped in and flooded my heart with the light of Hope that I could stand on with confidence.

Not long ago, I walked into the grocery store wearing a shirt that says, “HOPE Keeps Us Going”. As I passed a guy that had an Obama “Got Hope” shirt on, he stopped me and said, “Hey, I like your shirt!” and pointed to his with pride. Being very annoyed, I rolled my eyes and grunted, “Different kind of Hope.” While I am certainly not here to debate politics, I am here to defend my HOPE. The HOPE that sustained me through an almost three year battle with childhood cancer, the HOPE that held me tightly as I said “see ya later” to my sweet Jay, the HOPE that keeps me going until the day that I am reunited with him, and the HOPE that my family and I have been called to share with others.


That my friends, is REAL HOPE!


“HOPE is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that one day it will makes sense, regardless of how it turns out."

Happy Birthday to my Nana

Eighty-three years ago today, Uldean Hagin Douglas entered this world fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God (Gen 1:27). She was knit together in her mother’s womb and every day of her life was recorded in God’s book (Psalm 139:13-16). Nana was born to this world with a sovereign purpose. A purpose of peace and not disaster, purpose of a future filled with HOPE (Jeremiah 29:11).

We are all born with a purpose and I believe that God’s purpose for Nana has been to be an example and influence to all the women who have followed her. She is a Titus 2 woman to her daughters, granddaughters and great-granddaughters. Titus 2:4, 5 says, “to train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, and to be kind. “

She has blessed many of us with the love of cooking and has personally taught me how to comfort my children with a big pot of grits and how to woo my husband with a cup of crab stew and homemade croutons. She has taught us the gift of being frugal. We now know that there are many uses for plastic grocery bags, that mayonnaise jars and cool whip containers are great for storing leftovers, solo cups can be washed and reused, a half of a Bounty paper towel is just as absorbent as a whole one, duct tape and WD40 can fix anything and if we are ever broke and hungry, give us some string, a chicken leg and a net and we could feast on crab for days. Nana has also instilled in us the love for Thanksgiving and Christmas spent with family, the love of the beach, coke with crushed ice, garden fresh tomatoes, boiled peanuts and that a good laugh is truly the best medicine. She has reminded us over and over again through her birthday phone calls, bags of dollar store goodies and home-cooked meals, that it is the simple gestures that mean so much.

And because of my Nana, I am proud to say that I know all about Pickled Pig’s Feet, Fried Chicken Gizzards, Pork Rinds and what the vein in shrimp really is.

But most importantly, Nana has taught us all to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience…and over all these virtues to put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (Colossians 3:12-14)

Today, I thank God for Nana, her 83 years of life, her purpose in my life, and for the many more years to come.

To Be a Witness

“To be a reflection of Jesus is to be light and hope for the world.”

“Witnessing” is one of those words that make all of us uncomfortable. We immediately begin to have visions of the guys on bicycles going door to door or the folks walking up to people in public places asking, “If you died today, do you know where you will go?” When we look at what the Bible says about witnessing, we will find that various forms of the word “witness” occurs 42 times in the New Testament. But not one of those 42 occurrences is the expression “to witness”. In Acts 1:8, Jesus says, “You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses…to the ends of the earth.” Jesus is not calling us just “to witness” but to “be witnesses”. The word “Be” means “to exist in actuality; to remain in a certain state.” God desires for us to be a true representation of Him in our homes, at work and within our community. Representing and witnessing for God involves our whole life, not just a verbal presentation of the Gospel.

Another misconception we have is that only “mature” Christians or the “qualified” can be witnesses. We are fearful of appearing foolish and think that witnessing involves being able to quote scripture or to say an eloquent prayer. In 1 Corinthians 2:1-5, Paul writes, “When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power."

 A couple of years ago, we were doing a patient-focused Bone Marrow Drive at a local church. I had planned to speak to the congregation for about 5 minutes on the need for Bone Marrow Donors and go over the testing process. Right before I stepped onto the stage, the Pastor leaned over and whispered that he was going to give me 20 minutes of his sermon time to share whatever God placed on my heart. As you can imagine, my heart fell to my knees and I began to panic. Not only was this a large, primarily African American church (white girl can’t preach!), but it was also televised! I was unprepared, unqualified and about to make a complete fool of myself. As I walked up to the podium, I did the only thing I knew to do…I prayed. I told God that that I would do my part and open my mouth, but that He needed to show up and do the talking! I am relieved to tell you that God did show up and demonstrated His power through little-ole’-not-qualified-shaking-in-my-boots-ME!(I even got a few Amens!!) In less than 3 hours, we registered 250 new donors to the National Registry. To date, this has been our largest drive. And all I did was trust and open my mouth. God did all the rest.

So, I ask you. Do you have relationship with Jesus? Do you know and believe the story of the Cross? Then you, my friend, are qualified. Just like Paul, God will work through us if we will allow Him.


We are all witnesses and are called to be a source of light and Hope to those around us. We are sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ through not only our words, but also through our actions. So, next time you are sending a card of encouragement, making a meal for a family, visiting someone in the hospital or even stepping up to a microphone, remember that you have been called and are more than qualified to BE a witness for our Lord and Savior.

Can I get an Amen?!?

Finding Purpose in Pain

By request, I am posting an article I wrote last Spring for the Junior League of Macon.  I did make a few changes to update the info for this year.

************************************************

“Gaskins family, stay on your toes. Satan will try his best to separate all of you from me, like chaff from wheat. I have prayed for you in particular that you not give in or give out. When you have come through the time of testing, turn to your companions and strengthen them” (Luke 22:31-33; The Message).


In the fall of 2003, my family and I were leading a so called “normal” life, riding its ups and downs. My husband and I had two seemingly healthy children and I was pregnant with number three. Life was good and God had truly blessed us. Earlier that year, my husband, Jason and I had discussed what a clumsy little boy our two-year-old son, Jay could be. The ongoing joke at our house was that Jay could trip over a crumb if it got in his way. Being the first boy in our family, we only had our oldest child, Kaitlyn to compare him too. Everyone knows that girls are graceful and boys are not. We even went as far as going to the Pediatrician just to make sure that everything was alright. The doctor did not appear alarmed, and said that Jay was probably just clumsy. I tried my best to blow it off as a boy thing and move on.


“Gaskins family, stay on your toes”…


In September, we enrolled Jay into a 2K program at a local church. One afternoon during pick-up, Jay’s teacher pulled me aside and asked if Jay had balance problems. She seemed very concerned and told me that Jay was having difficulty going from sitting to standing without stumbling. He had also fallen several times while walking across the room. No one, outside of Jason and I, had ever noticed Jay’s balance problems. Fear, like I had never felt before, welled up inside of me. I walked out of the school in a state of panic and cried all the way home. I kept wondering if maybe I was overreacting. Jay had to be fine. But there was that little voice inside of me saying, “It’s not okay. Something is terribly wrong.” I called the Pediatrician as soon as we arrived home and we were sitting in his office a few hours later.


“Stay on your toes”…


After a complete neurological exam and listening to Jason and I ramble about our concerns, our Doctor still didn’t have any answers. He said that it could be a growth spurt or it could just be clumsiness. To appease us, he agreed to order an MRI. The catch was that it could take 3-5 weeks to get an appointment. We returned home not feeling any better about the situation. Over the next few days, Jay took a turn for the worse. He began complaining of headaches, wanting to sleep all the time, not eating and vomiting every time he would wake-up. I knew in my heart that this was getting serious. There was no way we could wait 3-5 weeks for a MRI. I called the on-call nurse and begged for an emergency scan. The next day, we had a MRI scheduled. Finally, we were going to find out what was wrong with our baby.


“Stay on your toes”…


I remember the day of the MRI so vividly, but is also seems like a lifetime ago. I remember the smell of the procedure room. I remember the hospital gown that swallowed up Jay’s little body. I remember having to hold my baby down while they stuck him to start an IV. Even back then, Jay was so tough. He never made a sound; only tears streamed down his cheeks. The tech finally came and led us to the MRI suite. Being eight months pregnant, I was not allowed past the big double doors. An hour into the scan, the doctor walked out. He placed his hand on my shoulder and uttered any parent’s worst nightmare, our worst nightmare. “There is a lemon size tumor at the base of your son’s brain. We have contacted the Pediatric Neurosurgeon. We believe it is cancer.” Jason was able to hold it together and began asking questions. I on the other hand, stood there repeating those words, over and over in my head: A mass; Brain surgeon; CANCER.

In that very moment, our lives changed forever.


“I have prayed for you in particular that you not give in or give out.”


For the next two and half years, the cancer world became our new “normal”. Bald heads, surgery scars, central lines, ports, dressing changes, low blood counts, tracheotomies, feeding tubes, MRIs, CT scans, spinal taps, 6 weeks of high-dose radiation and months of intense chemotherapy consumed our world. Yes, cancer robbed our lives of many things, but by the grace of God, it was unable to destroy the spirit of my sweet Jay. Even when times were rough, Jay was able to find joy in making new friends, playing at the Ronald McDonald House, or visiting the Memphis Zoo. He learned words that no child should know, like chemotherapy, radiation and neutropenia. With God’s strength, Jay also learned how to live life to the fullest. During those two and half years, Jay visited Disney World, rode ponies and jet skis, visited Graceland and even went up in a helicopter. It may have become increasingly difficult to remember life before cancer, but as a family, we refused to let it defeat us.


“I have prayed for you in particular that you not give in or give out.”


In December of 2005, Jay relapsed for the third time. The cancer had spread and four new tumors were discovered. For the last time, the medical community sent us home with little to no hope for a cure. Being strong in our faith and praying for a miracle, we refused to give up. We continued treatment at home, and Jay courageously fought for three more months. After a 50 day stay in the PICU, our sweet Baby Jay WON his battle with cancer as he skipped through the gates of heaven on March 31, 2006. For almost three years, we prayed for earthly healing, but God chose heavenly healing for our boy.


When you have come through the time of testing, turn to your companions and strengthen them”



It would seem that Jay’s story would end here, but it doesn’t. Colossians 1:16 says, “Absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible…everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him.” Jay’s life had a purpose, his battle had a purpose, and his victory in heaven has a purpose. We have found peace in not completely understanding the “big picture”, but we do find comfort in knowing that God has a precious and perfect plan for us. In May of 2006, Jason and I founded the Jay’s HOPE Foundation in memory of our brave little boy. Our mission is to improve the quality of life of children with cancer and their families in Middle Georgia by extending HOPE through social, emotional, spiritual and financial support. In three short years, our volunteer-based ministry has delivered support, encouragement and HOPE, to over 400 families.


“Turn to your companions and strengthen them”


During our battle, I realized very quickly that we were in the minority with the support we received from our family and friends. Many of the pediatric oncology families are single moms or two-income families. Moms and Dads are force to take a leave of absence from their jobs to care for their sick child. Our Jay’s HOPE families can apply for financial assistance with utilities, mortgage or rent payments, and pharmaceutical bills. We also provide gas cards, grocery cards, phone cards and airline tickets for families who have to travel for their child’s treatment.


“Turn to your companions and strengthen them”


Last yearm, we expanded our Jay’s HOPE Resource Center in downtown Macon. The resource center provides a central location for our families to receive the assistance, support and education they need throughout their child’s treatment. The center also houses the only walk-in Bone Marrow Testing Clinic in the state of Georgia. Jay’s HOPE is the largest volunteer/recruitment group for the National Marrow Donor Program and we have registered close to 4,000 new donors to the National Registry.


“Turn to your companions and strengthen them”


Social support is also a very important aspect of our ministry. In the spring, we partner with the Atlanta Braves Foundation and treat our Jay’s HOPE families to a Braves game and picnic at Turner Field. Throughout the year, our friends at Brave Meadow Farms provide horseback riding and pet therapy for our families. Each December, Jay’s HOPE hosts a Christmas of HOPE party for all the local pediatric oncology and hematology families. The evening includes a family style dinner, entertainment, the story of Jesus’
birth, and Santa delivers gifts to the patients and their siblings. Over the past three years, through community sponsors, we have provided Christmas for over 700 children.



“Turn to your companions and strengthen them”


Every September, Jay’s HOPE kicks off Childhood Cancer Awareness Month in Middle Georgia. The campaign included a proclamation give by the Mayor on the steps of City Hall, city wide education through media advertising and a Hats for HOPE day in all of the public and private schools. During September, we strive for our community to recognize the devastating effects of cancer on children, and encourage all efforts to support childhood cancer awareness and education.


“Turn to your companions and strengthen them”


This spring, Jay’s HOPE will celebrate our four year anniversary with our 4t Annual Celebrate HOPE event at Idle Hour Country Club. Spring will also bring the four year anniversary of Jay’s death. I must admit that there are still times that I wrestle with letting go of wanting life to be ‘fair’, and I grieve for life before cancer. I sometimes forget that the rewards that come from knowing and trusting His ways don’t always come this side of Heaven. Jay’s HOPE has given my pain a purpose and reminds me that God can use even the toughest times for His glory. Over the past four years, God has taught me that, “He causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." (Romans 5:3-5) Therein lies the purpose of our lives - to seek Him with all our hearts and to surrender to His ways, no matter where He may take us. These are hard lessons to learn, but I do know from my life and the lives of many others, that the Goodness is always there.


"As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good in order to bring about this present result, to preserve many people alive.” (Genesis 50:20)

The Day I Found Real HOPE

February 18, 2004.

Jay was five months into treatment and had relapsed. The cancer cells in his brain were causing life-threatening seizures and we spent two weeks in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at St. Jude trying to get them under control. Every 2-5 minutes, day and night, for 14 straight days, the seizures would ravish his little body. Not only did I feel helpless, but I witnessed our medical team feeling helpless. The moment that will be forever etched in my mind, was when the head Oncologist was shaking Jay and screaming, “Jay, breathe! Jay, breathe!” He is the mack-daddy, world-renown specialist on Jay’s type of tumor. He is the go-to doctor we had heard about, read about and traveled close to 500 miles to see. Since diagnosis, he had been so calm, confident and always had the answers. Anytime I would freak out, he knew just what to say to calm me down. I had complete trust in him. Now, not only was I freaking, but our mack-daddy-world-renown-go-to Doctor was freaking! I remember standing there listening to everyone panicking, watching my child turn blue and thinking, “Now what? Now what do we do?” Then, in the midst of all the chaos, I heard God speak. Not in a loud audible voice, it was more like a soothing whisper to my soul. He said, “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalms 46:10) and “Against all hope, in HOPE believe.” (Romans 4:18)

In what appeared to be a hopeless situation, I found real HOPE. Not a false hope in what man could do, but a real HOPE in what God could do.

This is a journal entry I wrote at the end of 2004.

HOPE is Real

“Dear Jay, Get well soon. I hope you feel better soon. I made this just for you. I am praying for you every night. You are special. Merry Christmas. Please do not give up hope.”

These are the words from the first and second graders at Kaitlyn’s school. Their art class made cards for Jay this week. A number of these children have been praying for Jay for over a year now, but most of them have never even met Jay. It was so touching to read their heartfelt messages to Jay and to see all the beautiful art work. Jay has also enjoyed looking at them and asking, “What does this one say Mama?” As I was reading them to Jay, one card in particular caught my attention. It is from a little boy who is probably about seven years old. He wrote, “Dear Jay, I hope you feel better soon. My name is Jonathan. We will keep you in our prayers. Please do not give up hope.” Now what does a second grader know about hope? When I was in second grade, hope to me was my brother and I Christmas Eve hoping that Santa remember everything on our list. We would lie awake for hours naming all the toys we were “hoping” for. As I got older, hope encompassed all of my wishes and dreams. I recall many times hoping that no one would see me getting out of my Daddy's station wagon at the movies, or saying,“Oh, I sure hope that cute guy in algebra ask me out" or "I hope I can pass algebra so I can get that new car for my 16th birthday.” “I hope to get into the college of my choice.” “I hope to have a successful career one day.” I hoped to get married, have children, live in a nice house, drive a nice car, and be the picture perfect “normal” family. Sound familiar? Isn’t that what society tells us we should aspire for? Success, happiness, and just to be “NORMAL”? Before September 16th 2003 my “hopes” and dreams were a reality. God had blessed us and I had more than I could have ever hoped for. We were just a normal family. In hindsight, I had it all wrong. I was placing my hope and happiness in all the wrong places. I was ignorant to the true meaning of HOPE. Over the past 15 months, Jason and I have come to know and understand true HOPE. Hope in our Lord Jesus Christ that reassures us that no matter how hopeless our situation appears, we know that our God will not fail us. There have been many times during this journey that we could not see or feel the HOPE, but we knew in our hearts that it was(and is)still there. How do we know for sure? Because the Word of God promises us real HOPE.


Psalm 39: 7 "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My HOPE is in you."


Psalm 42: 11 "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your HOPE in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."


Psalm 25: 4,5 "Show me the path where I should walk, O LORD; point out the right road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my HOPE in you."


Psalm 25: 3 "No one whose HOPE is in you will ever be put to shame."


Psalm 33: 18 "But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose HOPE is in his unfailing love."


Psalm 119: 49 "Remember your promise to me, for it is my only HOPE."




One definition for HOPE is: To look forward to with confidence or expectation. When we have HOPE, we have life. It is more than just asking God for something we so bad need. Somewhere in the midst of asking, believing, and expecting God to answer, we will find what we are looking for.


It has taken me over thirty years to finally understand, but at the tender age of seven, Jonathan (the 2nd grader) is learning the true meaning of HOPE. What a blessing!


This is from one of my daily devotions this week:


“Trust God. He wants you to trust Him. You need to agree with God about your situation. What does God say about who you are and what His will is for your life? Don't go by your feelings. Instead we should remind ourselves that God only has plans for us that are good. Jeremiah helps us remember what God has to say about us. "For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a HOPE" (Jeremiah 29:11).


Jay is doing well. His counts are dropping, but for the most part he is feeling good. As for the rest of us, we have been enjoying the Christmas season and visiting with family and friends. We were able to surprise my family in Brunswick this past weekend by showing up at our annual Christmas party. Last year’s party we were still in Memphis, and this year we were expecting Jay’s counts to be too low to attend. Friday morning’s counts were better than expected so we packed up the truck and headed south! The party was held in a barn out in Mt. Pleasant, Georgia...just after Sterlin’ but right before Jesup...very fitting for the little bit of “redneck” in us! It was so good to see everyone and everyone was so surprised to see us. The kids had a blast playing with their cousins(all 12 of them!), getting lots of hugs and kisses from Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles, going on hay rides, seeing Santa, and opening presents. Then Sunday before we left, Jay insisted on driving Pappa’s new boat...despite that it was thirty degrees outside! So we bundled up and Captain Jay took us all on a scenic cruise of the river.

This week will also be full of festive activities. Kaitlyn is singing in her Christmas pageant at church tonight, her school program is Friday, and this weekend will be spent baking cookies and trying to finish my Christmas shopping. I have always loved this time of year, but as you can imagine the past two years have brought new meaning to my Christmas spirit. My Christmas is now filled with the peace of HOPE that has lifted me out of darkness and into the light of Jesus Christ.


“A Child would be born and given to bring HOPE into the hearts and lives of the hopeless. This Child was the "Light of the World" (John 8:9) and He came to pierce the darkness that we might live. The Child of HOPE is Jesus! The One whose birth, our hope, we celebrate at Christmas.”


Where is your hope today? Is it wrapped up in the expectations of a gift under the tree? Is it lost in the darkness that surrounds your life? We all need to learn to hope again, for there's always HOPE and the HOPE we have in Jesus is real!

*************************************

A few weeks ago, I walked into the grocery store wearing a shirt that says, “HOPE Keeps Us Going”. As I passed a guy that had an Obama “Got Hope” shirt on, he stopped me and said, “Hey, I like your shirt!” and pointed to his with pride. Being very annoyed, I rolled my eyes and said, “Different kind of hope.” While I am certainly not here to debate politics, I am here to defend my HOPE. The same HOPE that sustained me through an almost three year battle with childhood cancer, the HOPE that held me tightly as I said “see ya later” to my sweet Jay, the HOPE that keeps me going until the day that I am reunited with him, and the HOPE that Jason and I have been called to share with others.

That my friends, is REAL HOPE!

Captain Jay- 2004

“HOPE is not the conviction that something will turn out well but the certainty that one day it will makes sense, regardless of how it turns out."

I Never Leave Your Hands

Love, love this song. It really speaks to my soul.



Your Hands- By JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers

I have trouble I wish wasn’t there

And I have asked a thousand ways

That you would take my pain away

You would take my pain away


I am trying to understand

How to walk this weary land

Make straight the paths that crooked lie

Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

Oh Lord, before these feet of mine


When my world is shaking, heaven stands

When my heart is breaking

I never leave your hands


When you walked upon the earth

You healed the broken, lost and hurt

I know you hate to see me cry

One day you will set all things right

Yeah, one day you will set all things right



When my world is shaking, heaven stands

When my heart is breaking

I never leave your hands


Your hands that shaped the world

Are holding me

They hold me still....

I still dare to HOPE when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will HOPE in him!"
-Lamentations 3:21-24

Top 10 Reason Why I Love Jones County

The new Jones County Magazine was recently published and there is a great article in there on Jay's HOPE. The article was written by my sweet neighbor, Alika Rosser. As I was reading through the magazine, it reminded me of why I love living here. Jason and I have lived in JC twice and the first time was right after we married.  We bought a piece of land and built our first home--we also had a baby, Jason changed careers and I became a stay-at-home mom all in the same year.  Yes, we were trying to prove everyone wrong by doing all the things you are not suppose to do your first year of marriage! We are hardheaded like that. Five years later, we thought the grass was greener on the other side and moved back to Macon. Two years later, we discovered that the grass is not greener and that a shopping center was moving next door. We quickly packed up the ole' truck and moved back to Jones County. We have now been here for a little over four years and have no plans of leavin' anytime soon! 

For fun, I have come up with a "Top 10" list of why I love living in Jones County:


#10-When giving directions to my house, a local business named Clampitt’s is a landmark. And if you get to LITE-N-TIE Road, you have gone too far.

#9-At Hillside Country Store, we can get our gas, bait, good pizza AND have a deer processed. What more could a girl want?

#8-Old Clinton Barbeque. The name says it all.

#7-We have the nicest and cleanest Dairy Queen this side of Georgia!

#6-Only in JC can you get away with wearing cut-off jean shorts, wife beaters, work boots and pool shoes to the gym. And to top it off, you can drink Mountain Dew while doing cardio.

#5-During a recent local election, guys named Gus and Rooster ran for office.

#4-Gus, who previously owned “Gus’s Bait and Tackle”, won and is now our new Mayor.

#3-JC schools recently made the news because a GIRL was suspended for having a crossbow in her pickup truck. Word is she went hunting before school.

#2- If a city police officer sees you committing a traffic violation, just smile and wave. He will think he knows you from either high school or church and will not pull you over.



And the #1 reason I love living in JC is.....



I can go out of the house looking like this:

And no one would ever notice......

(in the left corner is Kasey the Wonder Dog, just one of our 8 animals. Jason is behind me burning the Christmas tree in the yard that the kids just roasted marshmallows over...and I'm not really sure what to say about me except that this JC girl was not prepared for the COLD and this was my version of a snowsuit-without the snow!)

As you can see, we fit in nicely!

2010 Restart

I spent the first week of the New Year in business meetings recapping 2009 and planning for 2010. Meeting after meeting, I was seeing a growing theme.

2009 Recap- Banks collapse; housing market goes to pot; auto industry grinds to a halt; jobs lost; homes foreclosed; significant cuts in income; savings and retirement accounts gone; and a nation divided on politics, war and health care reform.

Overall Consensus- It has been a depressing year

2010 Predictions – Some say more of the same. Some say the worst is yet to come. Some say it can only get better.

Overall consensus- Proceed with caution

To be totally honest, all the “doom and gloom” had me off to a bad start.

Until God reminded me of one of my favorite Christmas songs:

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day

I heard the bells on Christmas day


Their old familiar carols play,


And wild and sweet the words repeat


Of peace on earth, good will to men.


And thought how, as the day had come,


The belfries of all Christendom


Had rolled along the unbroken song


Of peace on earth, good will to men.


Till ringing, singing on its way


The world revolved from night to day,


A voice, a chime, a chant sublime


Of peace on earth, good will to men.


Then from each black, accursed mouth


The cannon thundered in the South,


And with the sound the carols drowned


Of peace on earth, good will to men.


It was as if an earthquake rent


The hearth-stones of a continent,


And made forlorn, the households born


Of peace on earth, good will to men.


And in despair I bowed my head


“There is no peace on earth,” I said,


“For hate is strong and mocks the song


Of peace on earth, good will to men.”


Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:


“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;


The wrong shall fail, the right prevail


With peace on earth, good will to men.”


It is an “oldie but goodie” that was re-recorded by Casting Crowns a couple of years ago. In 1863, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow wrote the words to this song when our country was greatly divided by the Civil War. Henry’s words speak of the sounds of war, the hatred among men and the despair and fear that was consuming his world.

Overall consensus- It had been a depressing year

After his recap, Henry ends the song with certainty and anticipation:

“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep; The wrong shall fail, the right prevail.

Overall Consensus- There is HOPE

The first part of this powerful stanza reminds us that even when everything is crumbling around us, God is not dead, He does not sleep and He is still on the throne. Hebrew 13:8 tells us, “He is the same yesterday, today and forever.” The second part gives us comfort that despite how things appear, the evil shall fail and God’s children will prevail. Psalm 125:1-2 says, “Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore.”

Today is the second week of the New Year and I am declaring a restart! While it is true that we do not know what 2010 has up its sleeve, God is calling all of us to have HOPE. A HOPE that reassures us that our unchanging, all-powerful God is active in our world and lives, a HOPE that will prevail over evil, a HOPE that will not be shaken and a HOPE that will endure forever.

As I restart my year, I thank God for changing my attitude through the words of this 1863 classic song. I  also want to challenge us to cling to the verse that appears at the top of this blog:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” -Romans 15:13

Overflowing with HOPE,
Cindy

Our Sweet Baby Jay

was born 9 years ago today. Weighing in at 8 lbs 14oz, William Jason Gaskins entered this world fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27). He was knit together in my womb and every day of his life was recorded in God’s book (Psalm 139:13-16). On January 5th, 2001 at 5:00AM, our Jay was born to us with a sovereign purpose. A purpose of peace and not disaster, a purpose of a future filled with HOPE (Jeremiah 29:11).

When Jay was diagnosed with cancer at the age of two, I was told that the seeds of the tumor were formed in my womb and continued to slowly grow after he was born. Medically speaking, something went awry in his DNA that caused the cancerous cells and there was a defect. Awry is defined as, "away from the correct or expected course.” Defect is defined as, “a lack of something necessary for perfection; an imperfection.” Both of these definitions imply a mistake, and for years I was guilt-ridden that maybe I had something to do with why Jay had cancer. After all, the “bad” seeds had grown inside of me.

In Exodus 4:11, God asked Moses, “Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute? Who give him sight or makes him blind? Is it not I, the Lord? In John 9:1-3, Jesus and the disciples were walking along and saw a man who had been blind from birth. The Disciples asked, “Rabbi, why was this man born blind? Was it because of his own sins or his parents’ sins?” Jesus answered, “It was not because of his sins or his parent’s sins. This happened so that the power of God could be seen in him.” God didn’t tell Moses that He only permitted deafness or blindness. He said that He created people with those conditions. In the New Testament, Jesus declares that there was a divine, sovereign purpose in the man’s blindness.

Seven months into treatment, Jay and I were able to return home from Memphis. Multiple surgeries, radiation and chemotherapy had taken a toll on his little body. He was thin, pale, bald, scarred and he had a tracheotomy and a feeding tube. His appearance was somewhat shocking to others, especially strangers who did not know our story. One day, the kids and I went to lunch at a local sandwich shop. Jay was tired and I was holding him while ordering our food. Like many times before, I was trying my best to ignore the stares, but I noticed a young woman who couldn’t keep her eyes off of Jay. I could tell that Jay had noticed because he was burying his head into my chest. Being the overprotective Mama, I turned to this woman and said, “Can I help you?”(((insert sarcasm))) People had said some real boneheaded things over the past 7 months, but I was totally caught off guard with what came out of her mouth. She cocked her head, looked straight at Jay and said, “Was he born like that?” Not really knowing how to respond, I just said, “No” and moved on. Of course, I have thought of so many comebacks that would have been so good! But, I am ashamed to say that most of them would not have been very Christ like. Now, almost six years later and with a renewed Biblical perspective, I know exactly what I should have said, minus the sarcasm.

"Yes ma’am, he was born just like this. Unmistakably perfect, completely wonderful and purposefully made."


As the mother of a child who was born with what our medical community called a “defect”, I can now find great comfort in knowing that nothing happens randomly or because of bad genes or bad luck. God is all sovereign, full of grace and does not make mistakes. Romans 8:28-30 tells us that, "In all things God works for good with those who love him, those whom he has called according to his purpose. Those whom God had already chosen he also set apart to become like his Son, so that the Son would be the first among many brothers. And so those whom God set apart, he called; and those he called, he put right with himself, and he shared his glory with them."


Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you that we are able to celebrate the birth of our sweet Baby Jay today, who was fearfully and wonderfully made in your image. Thank you for your sovereign purpose for him and for each of us. Jay’s five years of life were precious and beyond all treasure, and I thank you for entrusting Jason and I to be his parents. What an honor it has been.

Dear Baby Jay,

Today we will celebrate your birthday by having lunch at Chick-fil-A and dinner at Ingleside Pizza…two of your favorite places! Kaitlyn wants to bake you a cake(yellow with chocolate icing) and Tanner wants to send you 9 green balloons…your favorite color! We will tell stories, look at old pictures and find comfort in knowing that we will all be together again one day. We love you, Baby Jay and miss you so much.

Love and kisses,
Mommy, Daddy, Sissy and Tan Man